Tuesday, April 20, 2010

And guess where the dude was going?

This afternoon, I pulled into the parking lot of the nearby post office. I drove there instead of walking because I was on my way somewhere else. Otherwise, I would have walked.

I wish I had walked. The lot was jammed. On a TUESDAY afternoon! All I could find were two economy spots next to each other. Now, the douchebag in me would have just straddled the line and taken up two spots, ensuring a nice, wide parking spot. But we see people do that in L.A. all the time and we judge them as douchebags. Some other variations of douchebags have been known to walk up to such cars and deliberately key the paint.

I decided I wanted no part of such douchebaggery. So, being the complete idiot that I am, instead of leaving the lot and parking down the block, I squeezed my nice, undamaged car into one economy space, thoughtfully leaving enough room for some other complete idiot to squeeze his nice, undamaged car into the economy space next to me. Sure enough, a complete idiot came by as I was getting out. He was having a bit of trouble getting his car in. I even volunteered to re-park my car over a few inches just so he could fit better. Keep in mind this is all so I can run into the post office for something that should only take seconds.

The guy noticed another spot open up and he parked there instead. I ran in, did my seconds-long errand, then came out just in time to see complete idiot #3 show up, squeezing his not-so-nice, dinged-up old piece of crap into the empty spot next to mine. He pulled all the way in, then decided he needed to straighten out, so he put 'er in reverse and pulled out -- smashing his side-view mirror into mine.

My mirror, as it turned out, ended up only scratched. His, on the other hand, was shattered. I got in my car, but had a spot of trouble getting out, as half of The San Fernando Valley had just entered the parking lot at once, trapping idiot #3 among a murder of cars. He decided to get out of everyone's way by re-parking his car next to mine, allowing everyone else to pass. I reversed out of the spot at about one inch per hour and pulled over to a "no parking" area, then walked up to him.

"Look, my mirror only has a scratch, so I'm gonna let it go."

"Okay." He was slow getting out of his car. He bore the shamed demeanor of a guy who'd just gotten into a car accident by way of his own poor judgment and knew it.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. Are you?"

He'd been going about one mile per hour and I was fifty feet away when it happened. Yes, I think I could forgo the ER visit on this one.

(Later, I discovered the power mirror that was hit now makes a funny noise when I move it. Lesson learned: park down the street and walk.)

As I left, I watched the guy walk from his car just to see where he was going. In fact, why don't you see if you can guess. Based on the above story, idiot #3 walked into:

(a) the post office
(b) the dry cleaners
(c) the pizza joint
(d) the banquet hall
(e) the marijuana dispensary

I hate to be judgmental -- and I TOTALLY think it should be legalized -- but if you guessed (e)....

2 comments:

Dave Meyer said...

You mean banquet halls aren't legal? Go figure.

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